


It’s Not The Fall That Kills You (It’s The Impact and Damage)

by Forestgreengirl



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Angst, I wrote this instead of Sleeping., Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Introspection, Listen I got addicted and basically word vomited onto a page., More angst, Reflection, Sad Elliot Waugh, Sad Julia Wicker, Sad Margo, Sad Penny, Sad Quentin Coldwater, Suicidal Thoughts, Up To Season 2 So Far, i don’t know how to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-08-27 16:22:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16705822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forestgreengirl/pseuds/Forestgreengirl
Summary: Quentin Coldwater reflects on how everyone has changed and how no okay everyone is.





	It’s Not The Fall That Kills You (It’s The Impact and Damage)

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing!

Quentin Coldwater is a lot more observant then people give him credit for. Sure he can be blind, or oblivious but when it really matters he pulls through. People like Margo, and Kady are observant all the time, which is why he can’t understand why none of them can see the changes that happening in anyone, most of all the supernova that is Elliot Waugh.

He notices how Margo isn’t so happy anymore, she can throw a good party, a cold glance and some biting words but he can see the lost swirls in her eyes when no one is looking. He could see it when Elliot went off and they thought they were going to lose him. He’s seen how she misses how things were back before all this shit with the beast, and death and back when it was Elliot and her against the world and they owned that world, but now? Now they don’t even know where they stand and the world has turned against them. Margo is still young, they all are and she shouldn’t have to deal with this now. He can see Margo crumbling and building herself up because she only shows weakness to some and if she crumbles then they all crumble too.

Penny is changing so much, it almost gives Quentin whiplash. He’s trying to appear so cold and uncaring, like the world can’t touch him anymore, but he’s wrong. Quentin notices how much Kady leaving again and again is affecting him, everyone knows Penny was in love with her. Penny’s walls are crumbling and no one is sure if he can build them up fast enough to avoid the breakdown. Quentin will keep a quiet eye to make sure he doesn’t go off the rails again. 

Julia is one of the people he’s seen change the most. He’s known her since they were kids, he has seen every change. This is different though; this isn’t simple hormonal changes, or puberty. This is the change that comes from breaking and falling apart. Not getting accepted into Brakebills almost near ruined her, to have someone you wanted so badly to be ripped away is an awful experience. Reynard was another thing that shattered her so much more. He raped her and suddenly self control went out the window and she went that little bit more insane. It for lack of better terms destroyed Julia. Then losing her shade? He’s watched her twist and bend into someone he doesn’t even recognise anymore, he’ll try and help her but it’s hard looking at her and seeing how broken she is now, how much she’s changed. 

Alice is a painful topic, we all know this. He still feels responsible for her death, even when he knows he shouldn’t. Niffen Alice was awful, he knew it wasn’t really Alice. She lost her shade and it turned her into someone else. He keeps reminding himself that when he starts thinking too much about what she said to him. He wants to remember Alice as she was. Alice who was so bright, and extremely bright student and person. A stubborn person who never failed to challenge him and make him laugh. Alice who was breathtakingly kind but most of the time new when it was time to stop and to put her foot down. He just wants his Alice back and he’s going to do everything he can to get her back. 

Elliot is drowning. That’s the simplest way to put it. He’s drowning in responsibilities of being a king; the high king. The responsibilities of having an entire kingdom to run. He’s still by all accounts still quite young. Quentin hasn’t known Elliot as long as Margo has but he’s seen Elliot before the beast, before Mike, before he got consumed by regret and guilt and everything else. He’s seen Elliot who always had a smoke, or drink in his hand and always seemed to be smiling and charming someone. Elliot who never showed weakness because he wanted to be strong for everyone. He fell in love with Mike, he really did think he loved him. Then having to kill him (it reminded him so much of Logon when he was 14) he drowns.

He tried to drown the anger and guilt and sadness in drugs, sex, alcohol; anything that can make him forget (he never does. Marriage someone Quentin never really saw coming for Elliot, he seemed to wild to ever really want to settle down with someone. And then he gets seen as High King and he has to marry Fen, there’s nothing wrong with her but she’s not someone Elliot would of wanted. Quentin isn’t salty (he doesn’t want to admit, just maybe he’s in love with Elliot in every lifetime.) And he can never leave Fillory, there is no going back for him. He twists and changes and buries parts of himself just to please others and you can see it in his eyes. The way he’s drowning in him, the longing and regretful looks and the maniacal look he sometimes gets when he knows he could end it all, he could die but he wouldn’t ever leave his friends that way. Especially Margo, they’re basically platonic soulmates.

He sees changes in himself too. He’s seen him change with depression, how self-loathing twists someone. The beast, and everyone else changing, it’s all changing him too. All these plot twists and god he misses when things were so much simpler, when his depression was the most dangerous thing in this life. Instead it’s so many people who just want him dead and he’s struggling. He’s changing with everyone else and he isn’t sure if he’s becoming someone he what’s to be.

He’ll keep fighting though, he always has. He’ll try to save whoever he can. He’s going to keep his friends alive, make sure they don’t drown inside themselves and then he’ll fix everything that goes wrong. He has too; he doesn’t have a choice.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! 
> 
> Please leave a kudos/comment if you enjoyed, let me know any future ideas!
> 
> -Forestgreengirl xxxx


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